How to Treat Yourself: A step by step guide.

Do you take time to treat yourself? Time to do things you love? Time for activities that will make you feel good? Time to spoil yourself?

I have asked single parents like me these questions and was surprised to find that it never crossed their minds to have time on their own, to treat themselves.

Of course, as a single parent, you are accountable of other lives and your activities are always linked to your children, your job, your household chores, your finances, etc.: responsibilities, responsibilities and responsibilities… always. Your world revolves around your children and your responsibilities so much that you risk forgetting yourself in the process and likely risk to not treat yourself as you deserve.

But let me tell you this: YOU HAVE A LIFE TOO… Even though your children are precious, it is important to put yourself first once in a while. Everyone deserves to feel pampered and special from time to time and a single parent more than anyone! To Treat Yourself is not an option, it is an obligation…

Having a boring routine (subway, work, sleep, etc.) has a negative impact on your mood, and beyond that on your well-being. And your own well-being affects the well-being of your children. I have already written an article on the importance of life balance and well-being for single parents. Read it here.

Remember that you have a life too…

By doing something good for yourself on a regular basis, you will feel good and positive and therefore you will be more resilient to whatever lies ahead. Treat yourself is a key for building up your resilience to adversity. It’s an absolute necessity… and you deserve it! Learn more on the 3 keys to build up your resilience in my previous article here.

As a single parent, surely you have a busy schedule with finances, work, housework, activity with kids, etc. It may seem impossible to save time or spend money to treat yourself nicely, but guess what? It doesn’t have to be something expensive or something that will take an awful lot of your time. There are little things you can do to treat yourself well and feel good!

Don’t know where to start? I have got you covered with this step-by-step guide to treat yourself.

Step 1 – Make a list

What do you like? What would make you feel good? What would make you smile? What would make you feel relaxed? What would make you happy?

People usually have a hard time expressing what they want clearly, it’s not clear in their minds because they haven’t really thought about it. How would you get what you want if you don’t know exactly what you want?

Building a list helps you identify what you like and what you really want for yourself(and just yourself!). It helps you clearly define things that will make you feel special and bring you happiness. Your desires will become clear in your mind and writing them down will make them real. Such awareness makes it easier for you to take the steps to do what is necessary to treat yourself.

A list is a good tool to motivate you to take real actions and do what needs to be done to make you feel good. It also opens your mind as you can discover things about yourself that you never imagined.

This happened to me. I discovered that I am addicted to interior design, just looking at a photo of a comfortable living room makes me ecstatic. Knowing this, one of my favorite little pleasures is taking 15mins before bed and exploring interior design pictures on Instagram… I instantly feel relaxed whatever I had to endure during my day, just looking at those pictures. It doesn’t cost anything, it only takes 15mn but the impact is huge on my mood!

Build up your list progressively

Review your list once a week to add or update items. It’s an ongoing process, this exercise makes you think about what makes you feel good and just imagining yourself doing something nice with yourself is already a pleasure! It’s free, so why deprive yourself?

Step 2 – Block 15mn every day to do something on your list

You only need 15 minutes to listen to your favorite song, dance to your all-time mega beat, have a glass of your favorite wine, if that’s what makes you happy. Some days you can extend your 15 minutes to take an hour’s bath or something similar, but at least you know you need to set aside a minimum of 15 minutes per day to treat yourself.

It’s a fact that blocking time for something puts pressure on you. You are more likely to achieve what you set out to achieve than if you haven’t set aside time for it. You are also less likely to forget. 15min a day is reasonable, it’s enough time to have a little fun. When you have more time, you can go beyond the 15 minutes but at least, this time is fixed in your mind and it is reserved to treat yourself!

I choose to take 15 minutes of my time each day before going to bed. I can read a little, dance, sing one of my favorite songs, explore awesome interior photos on Instagram, etc. This time spent each day gives me energy and I always look forward to enjoying this window of relaxation in my day. It helps me get up in the morning as it’s a break from my routine of responsibilities.

Step 3 – Give yourself nice gifts.

Think about a time when someone gave you a gift, it made you feel cared and happy, even if the gift wasn’t expensive. Who doesn’t like a gift? Treat yourself with nice gifts that you will keep as tangible memories.

It doesn’t have to be expensive. You can buy a book, a plant, that pillow that you saw at the mall, the uniform of your favorite NBA player, etc.

Set targets

Set targets for the medium term (every 3 months) and long term (1 year). It will keep you motivated, it is a reward given to you by yourself because you matter, because you are special and because you deserve it. Waiting too long for something you desire can be daunting, but at the same time you have to be careful with your finances. A cheap gift every 3 months and a more expensive once a year are more than reasonable to treat yourself.

Three years ago, I have decided to buy myself something that I love not exceeding $20 every 3 months. It started off smaller, but now I have a good collection of houseplants that amaze me every time I look at them. They didn’t cost me much, $ 11 on average. I also have a good collection of books that I buy from a thrift store, $ 4 on average. Since I shop regularly, my collection just keeps growing and I’m so proud of myself when I look at it. I can touch them, feel them, they are tangible proofs that I am treating myself like I deserve.

And for this year, my goal is to buy myself a Céline leather bag. I’m saving for it, not quite there, but I still have eight months to go and I least I have a plan . I may have to make sacrifices but it’s ok, I deserve to indulge myself once in a while, life is short.

Step 4 – Monitor and review

It is important to monitor your progress each month. Looking at the progress you have made from where you started to where you are gives you a great sense of accomplishment. It boosts your self-esteem and motivates you to try harder to treat yourself.

The review also brings clarity. You may want to change your approach, your gifts to yourself goals, the time allotted, etc. Remember, it’s all about indulging yourself, and your desires, just like your mood, may change from time to time. By reviewing your progress, you will ensure that things are going as planned.

Follow these steps and you will be amazed at how easy it is to put yourself first. Good planning and an efficient routine are all you need, no need to break the bank. Share with us in the comments what are your strategies to treat yourself?